Love Sucks?

Now i realized, life wasn't perfect afterall. No matter how hard you try to make it the way you want it to be, life has it's own decision whether to follow it or to do their own way. God have so much plans to us and all of them were simply amazing. the problem with us is that, we wanted to have it right away. we really doesn't care or no matter what it takes just to make things look perfect. we tend to realize things ONLY after it has been done and things went unwell(disaster?). My life isn't perfect.. never been that 'GOOD' to what i aspired it to be.. my life maybe shaky now.. yes! i'm on the ROUGH ROAD now... and i want to escape it. there were times i tend to shout so loud, thinking none listening, just to make myself free but i just couldn't do. i'm still awake you know! people will see and people will know whatever hurts i'm keeping inside and i don't want people to know i was BADLY hurt. i would rather CRY at the corner.. TALK to God. trust me.. He listens. i always got comforts everytime i talked to Him and i am so thankful i have Him in me.

i can' t say my life was a total mess. my life isn't that bad anyway!.. sometimes, we really need to be hurt and cry... it's LIFE! but too much of it is unacceptable! everytime i'm on a fight... i forced my ear not to hear anything... i want everything MUTED! i closed my eyes and think i wasn't there and i was anywhere(away!!!)... i hate argue.. i hate interrogations... i want to be at PEACE.

There are so many things i want to do with my life and i'll do what it takes to fulfill my dreams. i may be sacrificing things and people(?)... if it's the only way to make my dreams come true.. then i'll DO it! God will always be there for me.. for whatever comes to me, it's His consent... it's His plan.. it's His gift.. and don't want to waste it. God will give me wisdom in everything i'll decide(?)..huh?!.. then why i messed my life?? and i can answer that.. God gave me more choices.. wider explaination.. huge advice but i tend not to follow it. i knew He was there everytime i made decision... He's there giving me advice.. but my ears were CLOSE to hear it... isn't it IRONIC? that after everything went bad, we blame Him...

There were too much struggles i kept in my my whole being... Only God knows everything... i want to cry(but i don't want to also)... my eyes were just so tired of it.. my body is too weak to produce tears.. and i really can not figure out the exact emotion to pour out.. coz everything is in confusion.